a theory that explains
I want it
to be my fault
so I can fix it.
Math, Carleton College.
i. If you have survived the apocalypse, please report it as broken. All broken apocalypses must be stringently evaluated in order that the next one will flawlessly end all life as you know it.
ii. Rejoice in the fact that, just this once, the end of the world is (probably) not the fault of humanity. Maybe, this is being looked into.
iii. Celebrate, but remember that surviving the apocalypse is not a valid reason to call in sick to work.
iv. Be alert for lingering apocalyptic debris, treacherous weather and hangers-on. Giant pits and creatures of improbable and enormous size should be avoided.
v. Feeling cranky, hungover, or feelings a bit on edge? Report to your nearest pharmacy or hospital to receive your ration of Tylenol and PRSD (Post Ragnarok Stress Disorder) pamphlets.
vi. Should you be one of the few remaining humans on the planet, the future of your species now rests on your shoulders. Do not let the overwhelming pressure in any way impede your ability to function or perform your new duties.
vii. If there is no one else, pause and reflect: you are alone. So, so alone.
Message from Elsewhere:
We have just received word that, following fierce etymological and semantic debate, ‘ragnarok’ may in fact mean ‘renewal of the divine powers,’ this apocalypse was in error.
All feuds between mythological beings will proceed as planned, expect further incidents between Trickster Gods and their estranged families to cause greater than normal mayhem and destruction.
Thank you for your patience, and the universe appreciates your cooperation.